Because Thirst is this: When it’s 8am and you’re yelling at me When it’s way too hot here and I can’t breathe When I’m out too late and I see people that I hate looking way too fucking happy I know I’m bitchy and I’m shouting and it’s toxic But I don’t give a fuck about you’re reasons, I’m exhausted My head is always screaming, so is your kid And will the noise just STOP Because my hands Shake a little less with a whiskey Tequila to distract me from the nosebleeds And I don’t know what I’m supposed to be —but I’ll worry a little less with a beer infront of me Give me wine to stop my blood from clotting The bottom of the bottle and my back is still knotting I did five shots, punched a wall, puked in the toilet —let’s go dancing. And it starts like this: When a healthy distraction is all that I need —but three canceled plans and I’m alone for a week I need sweat and feedback to cut through the void Because I’m gonna have fun if it kills me I’ve got —bitten tongue, bloody gums, gritted teeth Got scars under my pockets from the old way I would sink And I think that this is better but I smell like nicotine And my head aches in the morning when I’m done Because my hands Shake a little less with a whiskey Tequila to distract me from the nosebleeds And I don’t know what I’m supposed to be —but I’ll worry a little less with a beer infront of me Give me wine to stop my blood from clotting The bottom of the bottle and my back is still knotting I did five shots, punched a wall, puked in the toilet —let’s go dancing. Because I feel comfortable nowhere And I don’t fit beneath the tension in my skin But I’ll be good while I’m right here Floating a drink in this sea of dopamine I hear these songs and get angry Because I was fine and didn’t miss you until now Inadequate and impatient Not really crying just been drunk for way too long Because my hands Shake a little less with a whiskey Don’t know if this is blood or if it’s grenadine And don’t know what we’re supposed to be But I’d put the glass down if you’d call me If I pass out don’t let them give me saline I made a home inside the Tunnel now it’s painted with graffiti and Until the blood dries Until I’m alright Make it a double… Let’s go dancing.

My head is fucked My door is broken What the fuck did I do when I blacked out this weekend? My wallet’s gone My bank is empty What the fuck did I do when I greened out this weekend? I’m quitttin’, I’m quittin’ I ain’t drinking no more of this bullshit I’m quittin’, I’m quittin’ I ain’t smoking this shit no more My eyes are huge My skin is crawlin’ What the fuck did I put on my tongue this weekend? My skin is damp My heart is racin’ What the fuck did I put up my nose this weekend? I’m quittin’, I’m quittin’ I ain’t droppin’ no more of this bullshit I’m quittin’, I’m quittin’ I ain’t snortin’ this shit no more I don’t have a problem, I just hate being sober I jugged the wine because there’s no one coming over I said one more and then I don’t and going home But now I’m drunk again, got shit to do tomorrow Sunlight through the curtains and a freight train through my head Work in an hour and I wish that I was dead And I’ll drink again tonight But it’s not my fault, I learned it from my mother— And if there’s A better way of coping That doesn’t hurt me That doesn’t make me feel like such a mess Then I’d I’d swear on the sunrise I’d swear on the long nights With all I have that I’m not doing this again I’m quittin’, the quittin’ I ain’t quittin’ no more of this fun shit I’m quittin’, I’m quittin’ I ain’t quittin’ this fun shit no more

Your grief is drowning you but drenching me These three weeks have felt like a bad dream that won’t stop churning In stress my brain swims a million miles away But our bodies are here Would you swim in me to quell these fears? ‘Cause I crave your body when my world is melting And I need just one moment of relief As I break (I had my first smoke at 8 this morning) From failure and fear But I need your arms to keep me here I need your arms to keep me here So keep me here Dawn breaks. We made it through without capsizing The clouds have cleared. The wind has died as the coast draws near Our love has made me stronger than the storm was But now it’s done Could we have some fun before the next one? ‘Cause I crave your body when everything’s okay And I need another night of ecstasy As I break the cycle that been breaking me Our future is here And in your arms it’s all so clear Yeah in your arms it’s all so clear It’s all so clear

Morning came later today The sky stays longer at gray Because summer’s ending soon —And I still hate you But the heat never ends It’s damp and thick without wind Days blur together now —And I still hate you And I had so much to before I went back to school And I’ve done none of it —And I still hate you I’m late for work yet again Because something’s stuck in my head and I can’t focus now —’Cause I still hate you Yeah I can take it ‘cause I’m tough, Got nothing out of luck Been running marathon with shin splints So what’s a fucking crutch? Got my boots laced tight and a sharp tooth bite And I don’t think I like your fucking attitude, right You’re just smiling at me waiting while you’re making up your mind And I could stare at you forever, but now you don’t get my time Because you fucked with my head, and you flirt with your friends And I’m too grown for this Highschool Bullshit Morning came later today The sky stays longer at gray Because summer’s ending soon —And I still hate you But the heat never ends It’s damp and thick without wind Days blur together now —And I still hate you And I had so much to before I went back to school And I’ve done none of it —And I still hate you I’m late for work yet again Because something’s stuck in my head and I can’t focus now —’Cause I still hate you So guess who can’t eat? So who can’t sleep? Guess who’s strung out in another Moodswing Week? Thanks for adding to my chaos, and removing all my peace And her voice is just as grating as the metal in her teeth Hope you’re having fun with your fleeting fixations Hope you get stung by the snap of my patience Drop me from your roster just like you can drop my name and leave me licking at the crumbs that you keep dropping on my plate Morning came later today The sky stays longer at gray Because summer’s ending soon —And I still hate you But the heat never ends It’s damp and thick without wind Days blur together now —And I still hate you And I had so much to before I went back to school And I’ve done none of it —And I still hate you I’m late for work yet again Because something’s stuck in my head and I can’t focus now —’Cause I still hate you Go home, ‘cause I’m done And you get everything you want Or stay here, and use me And still be nothing that I need I’m hopeless, it’s useless Pollute the only air I breathe I’ll stay gone, til you call And then I’ll crawl right back because Morning came later today The sky stays longer at gray Because summer’s ending soon —And I still hate you But the heat never ends It’s damp and thick without wind Days blur together now —And I still hate you And I had so much to before I went back to school And I’ve done none of it —And I still hate you So you can leave now or stay It’s all the same either way Just in the end remember —I’ll still hate you

I’ve been thinking, not really something I’m good at But I’ve been living in this weird unending happiness And I’m waiting for the anvil to fall But I’m suspecting that that shit ain’t there at all And I never liked happy songs But these past few months that shit is all I got Something about you just fixes my head Take those fucking demons and put them to bed And they say Virginia is for lovers Well I say fuck that, it’s Florida, now we’ve found eachother We got too high on the beach, and fell asleep, and misapplied our sunscreen “I am yours, you are mine” clearly spelling out in blood red lines And if that’s not love then I’m fucking dumb But I’ve been so dumb it’s just a bit hard to judge Something about you just fixed my head Take those fucking demons and put them too bed

You make me wanna do runs Got my heartbeat up in my tongue, and it keeps on skipping So conscious of my fingers, ‘cause their intentions are see-through But I don’t about nothing til the next time I see you As classically summer as beach towels on car seats, sunscreen and bug spray, slow rivers and whiskey Daylight burns my skin on the spots where you don’t touch me Lip stained, my teeth graze, and all that I taste is… Salt It’s no fun, you’ve got my pitch going high as the sun, and it keeps on rising And I can feel my heart break anytime I can’t kiss you Got a habit of being crazy, is it too soon to miss you? Just recycle songs and exchange their meanings Because hearts change like seasons and leafs, now you’re leaving I lie there you were, but my sheets never smell like you Cold wet and heavy like October air and morning dew Stubborn and sporadic, this new type of manic This my face flushed, and lungs full, got goosebumps, you leave tingles With my wide eyes, and your fake shy, with blank stares that linger Because I’m an addict, and you’re gorgeous, and it’s the best fix I’ll never get to… You’ve got some kinda way, when you sing I just hum and I can’t stop smiling Impressed because your charm is this towns best kept secret In my head this song plays and I wish you could hear it…

10 months came and went I couldn’t feel what she was feeling She said “I love you” to no reply And goD it hurt to see her cry I knew what had to happen, but it wasn’t time I few more weeks before this crime We could still lay together, it still felt right I hope she couldn’t see my desperate eyes And I said Tear off this skin and flesh, Put these tired bones to bed You say you want an honest man, well it doesn’t get much more honest than I stayed up these past few nights, just trying to smoke myself alright Truth be told, honesty’s amiss Just wrap your arms around me and we both know what will happen Talked again after a few weeks her sad smile said that she’d been crying Told me quietly she couldn’t sleep Without thinking I offered the remedy Invited her over for just one night Like a foolish devil she agreed to try I didn’t see it coming, blinded by pride It was awkward at first, but nothing like the first time And I knew the warmth of her back My hands knew what to do without instruction A shiver ran down her spine And she turned to say with those damn blue eyes And She said Tear off this skin and flesh, put these tired bones to bed You say you want an honest woman, well it doesn’t get much more honest than I stayed up these past six nights just crying myself awake, alright Truth be told honesty’s amiss Just wrap your arms around me and we both know what will happen Truth be told honesty’s amiss Just wrap your arms around me and we both know what will happen

I guess I’m kinda like Darcy Feelings pulled to my chest, too proud to admit when I’m wrong I’m spewing daggers because this scares me But in the meantime while I hide If there’s a fight with you that’s where I wanna be And if you had the spine I wouldn’t even have the time But I still wonder what you think or if you see That I could spend my life cleverly constructing lines Just in the hopes to keep you glaring at me But tell me is it comfy being bored Living everyday just like the one before A broken record with your stagnant lament My eyes are rolling because your life won’t move til you make it And I really start to wonder if it’s worth it But there’s something nagging me we could be perfect If you could just open your eyes Or hold your breath and take a leap, do something other than stand still Because I don’t think you’re happy now I always wanted to be Emma Knowing all the next moves just like to tremors in a web And reading everyone’s glances No problem trusting my gut and fluent in subtext And I know, I said I’m fine about a hundred thousand times But everytime I walk away I wanna scream I feel it slipping through my grasp something I never even had And I wish you’d just respond so I could breathe And I wish that I was comfy being bored Living everyday just like to ones before I keep on wondering if you said what you meant I’ve got this feeling like my feel might turn to stone if I stand still And even though it might not all be worth it I’ve just gotta let you know I think you’re perfect If you could see the look in my eyes Because I’ve been falling of this cliff and I don’t know how I got here But I don’t think I’m happy now Maybe I’m smoking too much But it helps the tremors and it counteracts the nausea Maybe I’m drinking to much But days are hard and scotch is better in the morning Maybe I’m thinking too much… But Rage stains taste Bitter and jealousy’s corrosive Funny how it’s clearer when you check with different choices I won’t be the one to clip through your lips slip-stitched But maybe me and Elinor should spill some tea I’m writing songs in fucking C again Screaming and bleeding through my teeth again I put a dent in the wall Because what’s another broken heart or another busted knuckle And I really should’ve known it wasn’t worth it Excuse me if I shout, you don’t deserve it But I’m sick of always choking this down, and being pleasant Because I’ve got a right to my venom I guess I hope you’re happy now

I wake up on the couch, must’ve gotten too drunk and passed out And left the night unconsecrated by our love I head upstairs to the bedroom, you’re asleep and I wake you Suggest a morning fling. You yawn and say “this evening.” It’s cruel, as I get better I get more boring I can’t sleep, without at least a few drinks And I try (I try) to keep the spark alive Can we get off our phones and really click once more? And I get home from work late. Shit must get done, bills got to get paid You’ve left the house to go out and do hobbies Finally at nine we’re both home. Cook, eat, and clean and watch come dumb soap I have one drink. Just one to start the evening It’s cruel, as I get better I get more boring I can’t sleep (YEW!), without at least a few drinks And I try (I try) to keep the spark alive Can we get off our phones and really click once more?

We never liked it much, but it was home to us You had torn up Vans, my boots were covered in mud And you’d ask strangers to spare some change And to buy you smokes when you were underage We walked from my house to the park and we sang With scraped up knees, and we were running through rain We were running through rain, and we were running through rain The dirt on my hands and the sun in our eyes And you almost died like six fucking times We pissed all over this church infested town Then climbed on their roofs and prayed not to have to come down Watched you skate down stairs, watched you fall, watched you laugh Shortcuts along train tracks with gravel and glass Nursing broken hearts and collecting scars And now we all have jobs and beards and cars From the 7-Eleven to every front porch Your pain was mine and mine was yours And I’ll always be sure, yeah I’ll always be sure I’ve never seen a greener green than the trees on 13th Street at sunset And I still remember the date and the weather The day that you called me your best friend I’m still fighting with Broken Bones and you still smoke And I’m still pulling shit like “take me the long way home” Because I heart still beats with those cracked up streets That we walked through the heat every summer Through graveyards nights, and parking lot fights, and bonfires in late December I still know every single place that we bled and we cried And I know I don’t call enough, but you’re still on my mind

There’s too many White Toyotas on the fucking road today And I’ve spent too many sleepless nights now thinking I’m okay I’ve fighting wars with my own emotions and trying to escape But they come in tidal waves It’s been a week since drowning, but I just woke up missing you today It’s been a month since talking, and I’m alright I just wanna see your face I’ve this heart so broken, it ripped wide open, because with you something changed So I lean into the Ache Because my love is mine alone To keep or throw away To whisper quietly Or scream until I shake And my love is mine alone Seething violently, with eyes steeped in potency To sink and bury me They keep playing Christmas lovesongs everywhere I go today And there’s this nagging absence, like the mirror space and the marks that I erased I switched the roads I take home from work so I don’t have to pass your place Sometimes I still do anyway And like the smell of spilt beer and crumpled lyrics there’s these things that I can’t shake Like a clumsy lattice and the rafel tickets I forgot throw away Like extra quarter inches that my wall remember there’s a stain that just won’t fade And it stings just like your name Because my love is mine alone To keep or throw away To whisper quietly Or scream until I shake And my love is mine alone To hide until I break. In the price my choices pay To sink and bury me And I could lay the Maps out and trace the path down With this hopeless love I’m bleeding Make a spectacle of greed, begging you to see Singing “They don’t love you, like I’d love you” With all that jealous, selfish shit But it would be enough to just sometime cross your mind Intoxicated with melancholia and lying on closed, cold, brick streets Singing “If it’s not meant to be, you’re still beautiful to me” Because my love is mine alone To keep or throw away To whisper quietly Or scream until I shake And my love is mine alone In everything I didn’t say, weaved in poetry To sink and bury me

And User brother I share your demons Give me a call and we can fight them And if we can’t find the strength to win We’ll share a shaky cigarette and try again Through trippin’ days and rollin’ nights We couldn’t survive the distance and time But suicide is anything but pointless I failed as a friend, i failed at everything I fail at everything I fail at everything

Spoiled Milk Spoiled Milk I think it’s funny how you say I’m so sweet I raised the cane for the absinthe you’ve got them drinking White Savior, gloat your charity I fight fucking fair, but I don’t play nicely Bet you start crying when they’re scuffing up your boots Because you’re not fucking used to someone stepping on your shoes And raise a glass cause congrats you beat me You might have TB, but you’re “so easy” Spit up the blood you Victorian queen You stay simple, and I’ll stay mean And in the end you’re just another Skinny White Girl And in the end you’re just a… She looks like spoiled milk